At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man (or worse, my mother), I absolutely cannot seem to wrap my mind around the way the world works today; there are so many horrifically idiotic things that people do now days in order to seem like they’re really “with it”…things that are now considered not just acceptable in society, but trendy, cool,or fashionable.
As a teenager, I occasionally tried to keep up with the latest trends, all the different fashions, but when morals and reason started to be compromised for the sake of being “cool” or “popular”, I usually ran for the hills (I say usually because I admit I did my fair share of idiotic things in my teen years- however, I refuse to own up to any idiocy as an adult). I’m happy to be able to say, at the ripe old age of 26, I at least never did anything to fit in or be “cool” that caused permanent damage.
Apparently, it makes you cool if you drive like a jerk. At least, if you’re a guy it does; if you’re a woman and you drive like an idiot, you’re just an idiot, but if a dude does it…instant awesome points with his buddies. And that makes perfect sense; if you can drive 100 miles an hour everywhere you go, cut off dozens of other drivers, run red lights and squeal your tires (all while the bass is booming loud enough for people to hear it in China), then you’ve EARNED the title of “Bad Ass”. And I say, “Well done!” People could learn a few things from you; for instance, how much a hospital bill comes to after you’ve been stitched back up, or what it costs to have the wreckage towed away after you’ve wrapped a pick-up truck around a tree.
If you’re a teenage girl, you are now considered “cool” if you manage to stay in school all through a pregnancy (or two…or three…). So don’t worry, little girls- go ahead and get knocked up in your sophomore year of high school, because as long as you still turn in your homework on time, nobody will think any less of you. Oh, and go ahead and continue to wear itty bitty tank tops while you’re at it, so you can show off your ‘baby belly’ like the accessory that it is…because the bigger the baby belly, the more ‘hip’ you look.
As for all the under-age drinkers out there, I think it would be really fantastic if you could keep up with posting the photos of you and your friends partying- make sure you get them onto facebook, that way the whole world can see just how awesome you are. Those group pictures where ten or twenty of your 16 year old friends are all holding half-finished beers? I love those. But even better than that are the photos of 15 year old girls with their eyes half closed, their clothes half off, striking a drunken pose for the camera, while in the back ground, a couple of guys are drooling over her. Those are my favorites, because they really set the standard on ‘coolness’ that I think we should all aspire to.
Reach for the stars, and all that.
People who strech your earlobes out big enough to fit a golf ball into the hole- you rock! And if I think you look pretty awesome like that while you’re in your twenties, I can just imagine how much cooler you’re going to look when you’re 60, and your ear lobes are so saggy that you have to tuck them into your shirt collar to keep them from swinging around and smacking you in the face on a windy day.
To those of you who run up huge credit card debts just so you can have the latest this, the fanciest that- truly, you are super cool. And you can prove it, because you are in possession of an enormous television and three different gaming systems and your clothes are the best name brands and you live in a huge house. And even though you have to be on food stamps in order to eat, and you can’t afford to go to the doctor if you get sick, that doesn’t lower your level of awesomeness, because hey, you’re surrounded by state-of-the-art everything.
I salute all of the parents out there who are less like PARENTS and more like over-grown teenagers, who do little about teaching their kids anything (especially discipline and values); but who cares about that, as long as your kids’ friends think you’re so much cooler than their own parents? I mean, let’s face it- the youth of today need less of that obnoxious parenting and more friends to shop with, hang out with, and get drunk with.
I honestly can’t figure out how these things work…how behaving like a moron not only DOESN’T get you banished to some remote island where you can’t hurt anyone but yourself, but it also earns you popularity points. The only conclusion I can draw from all this is that one of two things is happening- either I’m misunderstanding what it is that really makes a person ‘cool’, or they are.
Cristen's Corner 